Since then it’s been a whirlwind of Instagram filters and daft outfits and lavish petting from a clingy wheedling stylist’s assistant who has panic attacks when Graham chews his ribbons. Graham deadpans in a panda outfit, or is stuffed into a yellow teapot. Caption: “Mom! It’s a cat-as-tro-tea!”
Graham’s adorably serious little face captures the public’s imagination. The footage of him skateboarding down the hall gets more Facebook shares than the rescue effort for the earthquake. This cold fact is of little consolation to @catmom1990’s boyfriend, who got very scratched that morning. Caption: “I’m feline speedy!”
Companies seeking endorsements begin to circle. Graham gets a clockwork mouse and a lifetime’s supply of Mr Tibbles’ kibble. @catmom1990 gets half a million quid.
Graham is invited onto a TV show to predict the election results by selecting a snack from variously-coloured bowls. Waiting in the green room, @catmom1990 does a couple of shots to steady her nerves. Graham looks so sweet in his bow tie, whiskers glinting under the studio lights. He gleefully chomps down on the contents of the blue bowl then, adorably, bites the host when he is not allowed to proceed to the other receptacles. A nation writhes.
Later, Graham curls up in the plush of backstage, while the leader of the blue party pays homage. The man goes on and on. Graham looks at him blankly and seems to twitch his moustache. The man stammers and flutters and hastily opens a briefcase full of choice cuts and makes his excuses and leaves.
Illustration by Lorna Leigh Harrington